This week's topic: Heading Off To College
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Preparing Your Teen For College
Host: It’s the summer after high school and you’re mentally preparing for your baby to leave the nest. Amid the hustle of looking at colleges with your teen, filling out applications, financing tuition, AND preparing to send them off with all the necessities, it’s sometimes easy to forget that your child may also be feeling anxious or overwhelmed. Licensed social worker and President of daniel memorial, Jim Clark , is here with your college prep instruction manual.
Good morning Jim. Nice to see you!
Jim: Thanks Adam! I know this issue is hitting close to home for many of us this summer. I have gone thru it personally twice myself with my kids in addition to the hundreds of Daniel kids that we have sent off to college
Host: Definitely. For a lot of parents and teenagers this is a real time of anxiety. How do you get your almost-in-college child to sit for those last minute parenting lectures?
Jim:
As I have mentioned before, meal times or family conferences are a great time to ease into this discussion. Driving with your son or daughter, is another good time to have that casual conversation. Often difficult discussions when the other person is not looking directly at you is sometimes more comfortable. A great way to ease into it is by asking your child how they’re feeling. You might be surprised to find out that they’re actually terrified to leave when you may have thought they were ecstatic. Thinking and talking about fears and concerns ahead of time will make the transition much more successful and pleasant.
Host: A lot of these kids are obviously going to be off for the first time alone. Where should parents begin when trying to discuss budget and finances with their child?
Jim: The most important thing is to begin the conversation now before they set out on their own and run the risk of making costly mistakes. This is perhaps the hottest topic in all terms of college prep so it’s important to set some rules with your child.
(1) If your teen will be using a credit or debit card, get that established before leaving for school and be adamant that he or she is not to sign up for a new credit card. On the opening day of class, credit card vendors will swarm campuses and practically hand out credit cards so it’s crucial to discuss the consequences of bad credit. Instead, teach your teen how to live on cash and balance a checkbook in order to have a better understanding of where their money is going.
(2) Set a budget with your child. Have them put together what they think they may need. Have it in black and white and not just a discussion. You want them to be invested. This is often easier said than done because unless you’ve had an older child at the same college by which to gauge expenses, you’ll do a lot of guess work at first. For our family, the purchase of a meal plan that first year put my wife at ease that the her baby would not starve.
You will also need to consider funds needed for books, fees, and extracurricular activities. Then, depending upon your child’s responsibility level and nature, decide whether she can handle being given the entire spending money for the semester at one time, or whether it should be deposited into her account on a monthly or weekly basis. I found monthly was the best way to have them being to understand the value of money.
At the same time, while you’re talking about finances, you’ll be able to find many openings for bringing up all the other issues that may be worrying you.
Host: Such as?
Jim: Talking about how much money your child needs for transportation costs could lead into a natural opening for a little lecture about safety and security on campus after dark.
Host: Speaking of safety, what are some of the dangers that teens face when entering college?
Jim:
(1) Obviously, a lot of students think of college as a time to party so it’s important to discuss the topics of sex, drugs and alcohol. A frank discussion about these subjects will probably be met with some eye-rolling, but it can’t hurt to delve again into these areas. Plant the seed. Conversation is the water to help it sprout.
(2) Online networking sites also pose many new threats that most teens often don’t recognize. They are still too young to realize that photos of them drinking and partying could come back to haunt them years later. Also, it’s become extremely easy to locate and track someone down with the rise in popularity of sites like Twitter and Facebook. It’s important to remind your teen that they are still at risk for predators and to take precaution by being careful about what information they divulge online.
(3) The last thing is to arrange your schedule to take your child to college that first day and help with the transition. It’s almost a rite of passage process that your child will remember their entire life. Also, set a routine of when you’re going to talk. Once a week when your child is in school I think is a must. It’s good for safety and building that adult relationship with your child.
Host: Thanks Jim! Thanks Jim, for more extensive information on this subject check danielkids.org or news4jax.com.
Links:
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/14267611//
http://life.familyeducation.com/parenting-advice/teenagers/43735.html
*(this site has many helpful links regarding this issue)
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