This week's topic: Is It A Phase Or A Behavior Problem?
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Working Through Behavior Issues & Conflict
Common Phases vs. True Behavioral Problems
Host: All children act out and even occasionally have odd or alarming behavior. Many parents simply dismiss this behavior as being a normal “phase” of growing up. However, childhood mental health disorders are more commonly occurring than one might think. We are welcoming back licensed social worker and President of daniel memorial, Jim Clark, to help shed light on the difference between a “phase” and a true behavior problem.
Good morning Jim. Nice to see you!
Jim: Thanks Adam!
Host: Why do most parents tend to dismiss inappropriate behavior as a “phase”?
Jim: When a child is about 2 years old, they begin to assert their independence by walking away and saying “No” to their parent. Parents typically call it a phase because eventually the “No” goes away and the child begins to operate within “normal” family guidelines. So when a parent see’s a behavior problem they can’t explain, they are quick to call it a “phase” because it makes behavior problems easier to tolerate and explain. It’s hard for any parent to accept that their son or daughter may have an actual behavioral problem because we tend to think the best of our kids. The good news is that parents can often change their children’s behavior by making changes themselves.
Host: So how do you know when to address a certain child behavior rather than just hoping the child grows out of it?
Jim: If it’s hurting the child whose doing it, or hurting other family members, people in society, teachers and other students in school, it needs to be quickly addressed. A child’s poor behavior could also be an indicating sign of a much deeper emotional or physical disorder so it’s important to seek the help of your doctor or a mental health specialist. If parents are having trouble identifying behavioral symptoms, they should ask themselves a few basic questions (the following questions were taken from www.FamilyEducation.org):
1. Has your child had a persistent sad or melancholy mood?
2. Has your child been nervous, anxious, fearful or phobic for a few months?
3. Has your child experienced serious chronic sleeping or eating problems?
4. Has your child's behavior worsened substantially?
5. Has your child's academic performance continually deteriorated?
6. Has your child withdrawn from friends and/or family and become a loner?
7. Is she saying that she has no friends and that no one likes her?
8. Has your child complained of persistent headaches or stomachaches?
9. Has your child talked of wishing she were dead, not wanting to be alive or how she is going to die?
Host: Other than seeing a doctor or specialist, what can parents do on their own to help solve these behavioral issues?
Jim:
(1) Attention, whether positive or negative, is an extremely useful tool that most parents don’t even realize they have. When your child misbehaves, you give them negative attention by yelling or scolding. For many children with behavioral issues, this type of attention is better than no attention at all. As long as your child keeps receiving attention for misbehaving, he or she will most likely continue the behavior. Once a child understands that they have even a tiny chance of getting their way by throwing a tantrum or “acting out,” it can be very difficult to stop the behavior. Parents can easily turn this situation around by giving attention for positive behavior and ignoring minor misbehavior. Children are more likely to repeat behavior that has been praised and it also helps improve their feelings of self-worth.
(2) I often see kids with behavior problems who get along with highly structured teachers. That’s because the structure the teacher has set up makes it clear that it's in the child’s best interest to behave. Sometimes that's because the teacher doesn't take any playing around and sets limits right away; sometimes it's because the teacher gives consequences and rewards that the child finds meaningful.
(3) If your child doesn't respond to consequences, then you simply haven't discovered things that are consequential to him. Don't forget, a consequence can be a reward, too. Too many parents use the term “consequences” when they mean punishments. Many kids become very resistant to the idea because of what they think it means. Instead, parents have to learn to use the bait and the hook—not just the hook.
Host: Thanks Jim! For more parenting advice and tips check danielkids.com or news4jax.com.
Note: Links:
Family Education:
National Mental Health Information Center:
Empowering Parents
http://empoweringparents.com
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